Christmas Special: Disordered Eating
SEASON 1 EPISODE 13
with Kelsey Wiebe
In this episode of Neighbourhood Nutritionist, I talk to Kelsey Wiebe about disordered eating and how to stay healthy through the festive season!
In my conversation with Kelsey we talked about:
Kelsey’s experience with disordered eating as a personal trainer
Disordered eating vs eating disorders
How to cope with festive eating, food from love
Kelsey’s top tips to stay healthy through Christmas and holiday eating
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If you want to connect with Kelsey, you can find her on:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rediscoveryouhealthyfitfree/
Instagram: @kelseywiebept
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Kelsey’s Journey with Disordered Eating
I actually, I struggled with eating disorders for nearly 18 years, as early as the age of 12. I really struggled first with anorexia and got really down to a very, very low, very unhealthy weight, then through some therapy was able to heal a little bit. And then in through college, I was struggling a lot with anxiety, I was actually diagnosed with a panic disorder, and just really had this issue with perfectionism, and just always wanting to be perfect at everything. I was a pre med, or my degree was in biomedical science and chemistry. And also at the time, I got married at that time, and then after college, and I had started my career as a personal trainer, and then I ended up getting divorced. And I realised that during that divorce, that was, it was a really emotionally traumatic time. And at that time, I really struggled with binge eating. And I would like, I would like eating perfect all day long as this perfect little personal trainer with my little meal prep stuff. And then, but I would come home and I would binge eat on like, you know, whole jars of peanut butter, or it was whole boxes of like granola or cereal, or it just felt like I didn't have control at night was the biggest issue. And then I really kind of got into a downward spiral and was struggling with bingeing and purging. Also overeating and then excessive exercise to kind of make up and it just kind of gotten to this really horrible pendulum where I would over restrict or over exercise. And then I would lose control and binge and then I'd like overcorrect again, and it was just this constant swinging. And it really wasn't until actually I'm coming up. I'm so excited. Like I'm coming up on my year, my year of recovery. And I honestly, like at this time like Christmas last year, I still very vividly remember, like trying to eat so well at Christmas and then at night like just losing it again. I knew New Year's was coming and I hadn't like fulfilled all of my whatever I wanted for for New Years and I felt like a failure and I was just bingeing on my mom's cake that she had made for Christmas and I was like, I'm never gonna figure this out. And that was when I found my friend who's ready A dietitian for the United States Army. She introduced me to intuitive eating, and I had never like I'd heard I was like, I just Oh, intuitive eating, you just, you know, you just eat, right. But there's actually principles, there's guidelines and it was rejecting the diet mentality and learning to listen to my hunger fullness cues. That was huge. And then more than anything, recognising that my issues with binge eating, bingeing and purging, it all came from this place of feeling like I don't deserve after like my divorce, I just felt like I deserved punishment. I didn't deserve to be happy. I didn't deserve to feel good about myself. It just in my head, it was my fault. And, unfortunately, and this idea of trying to punish myself or make up for that, or whatever else, like, it ended up leading to toxic relationships, it ended up me hurting my family ended up me hurting my body. Obviously, it was a whole slew of things. So this whole year has been a journey, not only with learning how to be a more intuitive eater, and mindful eater, but also how to love myself, and realise my own self worth. And it's amazing because all of a sudden, when you feel good about you, and when you're no longer obsessed about food and your body. Now you have the headspace and the energy and the love that you can, you can give and you can serve, and you can be present. And anyway, that's where I'm at.
Disordered Eating vs Eating Disorders
I mean, I think it's, it all comes down really to the frequency and the severity of the behaviour. So there's a lot of people like I was never actually like officially diagnosed, like, I didn't go to a doctor and I wasn't diagnosed with binge eating, and I wasn't diagnosed with bulimia, but with the severity, I know that I was like I could have been diagnosed in those with those things. What I see more often than not, is people assume that disordered eating is normal. And what I mean by disordered eating so it's not like anorexia where like it's very clear, right? It's very clear that there's a problem here you're not eating or bulimia obviously, you're purging you're throwing up that's that's definitely an eating disorder, and even orthorexia. orthorexia, is that when you're such a careful eater, like, and you're obsessing about food all of the time, and you're thinking like, Well, is it perfectly grass finished? Is all is everything like wild caught? Is it like, does it have this oil in it, you know, whatever it just like to the point where almost, you're thinking about food all the time. But disordered eating is, I would say, I would say a lot of people fall into the disordered eating category and don't even realise it because it's so normalised by diet culture. And it's this idea of like, ignoring your hunger cues, right? It's this idea of that, like, I was kind of like a pendulum swinging, I was talking about where you'll overeat, you feel bad, you feel like you're a bad person or you've done something wrong, and then you try and make up for it by either excessive exercise or by the I used to call it I'm intermittent fasting. It's healthy for me, but in all honesty, I'm just not eating because I ate so much the night before. And I was really just trying to make up for it. And it's this idea of like other symptoms of disordered eating would be constantly body checking. So anytime you pass like a reflective surface or a mirror, and you're constantly like lifting your shirt, or you're always like, or if you're constantly weighing yourself, and if you are constantly putting all of your self worth, or how, you know, oh, is today going to be a good day or a bad day? Well, it all depends on what the scale says. It's anything where you're constantly thinking about food, what you should or shouldn't be eating. It's anytime that you feel like a food might have control over you. And yeah, so it really is a symptom, I would say, of chronic dieting. And that's what we've been told in the society that we need to constantly, you know, to be healthy, you need to cut out this kind of food, you shouldn't eat this, instead of just actually just honouring our hunger cues, honouring our fullness cues, and not food shaming ourselves.
It's really good to recognise that your eating behaviour is disordered, right, meaning that you have the awareness and you can improve on it. But I think it's really important not to just, it really undermines the problem. I think everybody goes around saying they've got an eating disorder. I've got a whole online course and programme and the whole emphasis is recognise, redesign, refine. So in order to change any behaviour, you first must recognise it. Right. And so for, like, the first part that we work on is our thoughts and recognising the negative stories that we're telling ourselves. Like I said, I used to think to myself, Oh, I don't deserve that, oh, I don't deserve to take time for myself. I don't deserve to feel good. And so now, whenever I have things like for me, like my arms, like I know, I just have a bigger upper body, I just do naturally, which is great on one hand, because I can do like 10 Pull Ups, no problem. It's pretty cool as a chick. But like at the same time, there was times in the past when I felt really self conscious about that, because I have bigger a bigger upper body, I've got a bigger back. I've got like, I'll always like kind of have some jiggle in my triceps no matter how strong I get. And what the biggest thing that ended up happening was I just had to recognise the thoughts. So the moment that I started like, obsessing or feeling bad about like a, you know, a roll of belly fat or like the jiggle in my arms, or acne or whatever, I would give myself a little snap on my wrist with my rubber band. And this is something I got from Jay Shetty. So if any I'm not I'm not saying I came up with this, Jay Shetty is amazing. I love him, check out his podcast, but he came up with the spot stop swap. And I think it's, it's amazing. So if you can spot recognise that negative thought, stop it in its tracks, and then swap it with something else something positive, whether it be a gratitude, like, oh my gosh, I'm so thankful that I have legs, I'm so thankful I am strong enough to do pull ups. I'm so thankful, you know, I have eyes that can see or, or something that you do really like about yourself, like, I I love how I love my butt, I will say that I like my body, you know, whatever. You know, switch it for something like that. So that's the whole thing is spot it, stop it, swap it, and starting with our thoughts because I talk about, like, everyone wants to lose weight or get better, right? And we all think like we all think about the external stuff like, Oh, I just need to eat right exercise, I need food and cheap food and exercise. And it's true. Like that's definitely going to help you. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. Like the reason that we're not consistent. The reason that we don't actually do the things that we know we should do is we're not focusing on what's underneath the surface. We're not focusing on the inside on, on our thoughts, on our emotions on our beliefs, like a belief is just a thought you keep thinking again and again and again and again. So if I keep thinking I'm a POS or I keep thinking I'm fat. If I keep thinking these things, then I'm going to believe that way. And if I believe that, you know weight is always going to be a struggle for me if I believe that I'm worthless unless I weigh a certain amount or look a certain amount that's going to impact the external that's going to impact whether I eat right or I exercise or self sabotage or soothe my anxiety.
What Do You Want?
So I do these exercises with my one on one clients, and kind of we so for me, I think that everything starts with Well, what do you want? Let's start with what do you want? And a lot of people say, Well, I want to lose 20 pounds. I'm like, okay, great, cool. Why? You know, and like, there's always the, it's digging in with those why's and, and a lot of it is just like, obvious, I want more energy, I want longevity, I want to be more present with my kids. And let's be honest, we are human beings, we are tribal beings, we want to feel a sense of belonging. And, but at the same time, like, it's really important to recognise that we want that sense of belonging to be for who we are our true selves. And so that's why so I asked them what they want, why they want it. And then who, who do you need to be in order to have those things? And we focus on and that's my whole company, right, like, Rediscover you. I want to know, what does the best version of you look like? How does she carries herself? How does she wake up in the morning? What does she eat? Who are her friends? What is her relationship? What you know, what does a relationship look like? What does she do for work, really just taking those layers down, because like, because it when you start there. And when you start from a place of love and caring for yourself, then the nourishing your body and that external stuff and just getting the steps and drinking the water, whatever else that just comes naturally. Because you're that's the whole point is, this is who I am. I just am somebody who prioritises my health. I am somebody I am a morning person. I am someone who's confident and who loves myself and feels really good in my own skin. This is who I am.
I preach that over and over and over again, you get what you focus on where focus goes, energy flows, results show. And so again, if you're focusing on all the things you don't like about yourself, if you're focusing on all your imperfections on all of those little things that make you upset or all of your shortcomings, that's what you're going to see more of in your life. Whereas if you can focus on all of the things you appreciate, on all the things that you're doing well on art, like that's how you wire your brain like your, your if when you want to habit like it's all about your reward system. And so like, if you can really focus on your wins, like rather than focusing on all the workouts you didn't get that week. Maybe you focus on all the workouts you did or all the walks you did do or all of the vegetables you did eat or you know like those things when you You focus on that you tell your brain Hey, this is awesome. Let's keep doing this.
Why is it so Hard to be Healthy around Christmas?
Because we all allow ourselves mentally to binge. But then most people then feel bad about that. And then just seems like a very silly kind of cycle that we go through in our heads every Christmas.
And for us in the US like, it just feels like it's this huge spiral like Halloween, and then we just had like Thanksgiving. Right? So then it's a big binge fest, and then you're like, Oh, well, you know, just continue on, and I might as well just keep up whatever. 2021 2020 has been BS anyway. I mean, yes, but at the same time, so for me, and this is something again, I'm on my year, I'm actually really looking forward to this Christmas because for the first time, I'm going into it without any anxiety. And I'm going into it without any feeling like I need to change anything or do anything drastic. For me, the biggest thing I want people to focus on is just being present, being in the moment and watch out for this FOMO so there's this idea of like fear of missing out and I get it I understand like, but you know, it's Christmas and all the foods and I'm never gonna see the foods again, you don't understand. But honestly, like, if you if you can go into the situation present and ask like I always have my clients like we do a hunger scale of like, a one to 10 So like what does gentle hunger feel like? What does like ravenous feel like? So if you can make sure that you're going into the moment, not ravenous. I know so many people are like, I'm going to save all my calories for Christmas dinner. I think they'll do that. Like instead, can you maybe eat something lighter in the in the morning or whatever else still so that you're not starving because when we're starving, it's like reaction mode. We just like shovel food in our face as fast as we possibly can. We're not even, we're not even there. We're not even tasting it.
So I mean making sure that you're coming into it without saving calories. And then checking in with your hunger and your fullness and the big thing that I think a lot of people don't realise it takes 15 to 20 minutes for those bonus plans to kick in. And so take your time actually taste your food. Enjoy this beautiful moment. Enjoy the experience. Don't worry, like, one day is not going to destroy you. But also if you're listening to your fullness cues, and you stop when you're satisfied, I promise you, you're not going to feel bad anyway. Like, because there is no good or bad food, you're just listening to your body. And guess what? There's almost always leftovers. So you can have more later, you're an adult, you can make a choice.
How Do We Honour Ourselves While Accepting Food as a Gesture of Love?
I think that's an awesome question. And I'll be honest, like I have a lot of clients regardless of if it's Christmas or if it's any sort of Family function or honestly, any sort of social setting where you feel obligated to, to eat the food. So I kind of come at it from a couple of different ways. Number one, obviously recognising that it's from a place of love, and you just checking in with yourself first and asking yourself, Is this something I really want right now? Like, if it's if it's for an experience, or like, if it's something that you don't want to eat, is it because you're trying to lose weight? Or you think that this is bad? Or that have you told yourself this self fulfilling prophecy, this story that will, once I have a little, I'll have to have all of it like, I have no control? Or is it that you're just like, You know what, like, I know that I, I want to enjoy my dinner, and I don't really want to overeat on this right now, or whatever it is, like I'd much rather be able to enjoy savour and not feel overstuffed. Or if especially if it's a dietary need. Like if you know that certain foods are just really not going to make you feel good. Like they may be upset your digestion or whatever else or I know for certain people, like I have a friend, she's she's a vegetarian, that's great. Like, and her family doesn't really understand. But for her like that is something that she doesn't do it for weight loss, it's just something you know, she does it for her own conscious or her own reasonings. And for her, she has this discussion with them. It's nothing personal. This is just for me, please, please, no, I love you. Please know that this. This in no way means that I don't feel loved by you. But please respect my choices and how and my body. And that's a hard thing to is like, they talk about that a lot is if your family, don't worry about your food, like don't talk about other people's bodies don't talk about other people's food choices, like it's none of your business like it's, yeah, anyway, that's a whole different discussion. But I think just the biggest thing is recognising going into the event. With your answers already prepared, going into the event, kind of already planning, you know what, I really want to enjoy more of dinner. And I think I'm only going to have one dessert. I mean, and maybe you change your mind when you get there, but kind of having a game plan and telling people why. And I would say to not lead with the weight loss. I know sometimes we want weight loss, we want to look a certain way. But more than anything, if you lead with I want to feel good. I want energy, like I know if I overeat, I'm going to be exhausted the rest of the day, I'm going to be lethargic, I'm not going to be able to enjoy my time with you, I'm just not going to feel good.
Key Takeaways
Here are Kelsey’s three actionable steps for you:
Don’t save up on your calories.
Stop saving up your calories for that time and being ravenous but going into it feeling good and feeling gentle hunger and then you know just being present with it. So don't save up your calories. Try not to have FOMO try and recognise that you are an adult who can absolutely have this food at any other time. This is not a bad food. This is not a cheat day. This is just you enjoying a beautiful experience with your family.Make eating a conscious experience.
Let's make it a conscious experience where you're eating from a plate where you're eating slowly setting your fork down between bites actually look up and talk to people at the table.Be prepared.
I think being prepared with how you want to feel constantly, like I always asked my clients to ask themselves, how can I best nourish and satisfy my body right now? And so like, ask yourself Like usually I do that by prioritising protein, fibre and fat, like making sure that I've got a well balanced plate, the protein because it's going to keep me satiated longer, it's going to help, you know, help me feel full fibre is going to help with my my glucose levels, and it's going to help me with my digestion and just feeling again full in the moment. So as long as I'm checking in, how can I nourish and then satisfy, I think those are the biggest things. So don't save up your calories don't have FOMO and be prepared with the question of how do I want to feel right now?
The One Food that Takes You To Your Happy Place
I don't have it often. Like but when I really, really want it and I can still like there's just a freshly like a big, big freshly baked, done right chocolate chip cookie, like with like a little bit of gooeyness warm that almost a little bit of salt that, you know, that's if you can do that right and it's in in the right moment right when you want it and that's that's what you're craving. That that'll definitely bring me to my happy place is a chocolate chip cookie.
